Wedding Coordinators

This last weekend we went to a friend of Caleb's wedding in Fort Worth. As we're walking up to the church this lady stops us at the door and goes "Holland/Carter Wedding?" like she was a bouncer keeping people from just wandering in off the street. Really, I don't know her purpose. This made me think back to all the church wedding coordinators I've run into in my life. I have been in a couple weddings in the same church (which will remain nameless), but the lady there has sucked the fun out of every rehearsal. She doesn't allow talking, laughing, smiling, or merriment of any kind. I mean give us some credit. At some point in our lives, we've all had the summer where like 5 different people get married, and let's face it, it's not rocket science. You walk down slow, but not too slow, don't hold the flowers too high, etc, etc...
This wedding was one of the worst case of church wedding coordinator-itis ever. There were 3 of them and they had walkie talkies. We all know when you give someone a walkie talkie you have handed them all power and decision making responsibilities in the situation. The first one barely let us in the door. After the ceremony, we went out to the car to get their gift and walked back in the same door. I'm walking, holding a present, towards the present table and she appears from no where and goes "Holland/Carter Wedding?" again. Let me take a moment to tell you Holland/Carter Wedding was plastered everywhere on the church, there was no misreading where you were. I wanted to say something along the lines of, "Who?? I just wandered in with this present and thought I would leave it here." But instead I just smiled and said "Yes."
So they have everyone roped into this one section, but the poor planning was that the ladies restroom, was not in that section. It was in the section with the present table that I happened to be in, so I turned to go that way and I feel her following me. Granted, I was heading in the direction of the sanctuary where they were taking pictures, but she followed me all the way to the bathroom door. I tried to bob and weave a couple times to lose her on the way, but she was too good. On the way out of the bathroom I passed about 10 girls coming in, so I think there must have been a hostile takeover.
Then I'm waiting outside for Caleb who had to fight his way into the men's bathroom. He finally makes it out, but tells me that he had to face another woman to get out of the building. I guess the door he was trying to leave through was by the buffet and the lady actually grabbed his arm... like he was trying to steal the roast beef or something, and says, "Where do you think you're going?" By this time we were a little done with these ladies, so he jerked his arm out of her hand and said, "I'm trying to leave the building."
Makes me think back to our wedding rehearsal where the wedding coordinator made us all do a Jewish ritual. I don't remember what it was, because at the time we were all looking at each other and going, "She knows we're not Jewish right?"