Merry Christmas, Ho Ho HO

Hello party people! We've had quite the busy week since last I have posted.  The Man flew in last Friday night, so we've been hanging out with him as much as possible.  We had a very Merry Christmas, even though it was a bit overwhelming for Blythe I think.  She slept pretty much the whole day yesterday and is asleep in my lap as I type this.  

  Blythe lost her crazy cord stump on Sunday, although I think she might have had some help from a too big diaper.  That is one downside to having a 7lb. baby.  If you notice most everything starts at fitting an 8lb. baby, including diapers.  Which is why we have also had our first blow out in an ill-fitting diaper.  We've gotten really good at reading the signs and ducking for cover though.  It only takes a couple times of being hit with projectile poop before you get pretty quick on your feet!  

  Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

Happy One Week Birthday, Blythe!

Here are some of my favorite moments from the past 7 days, in no particular order...

1.  The moment I saw her.  We locked eyes and she held my fingers and the past 12 hours were completely and totally worth every second.

2.  Seeing Caleb with his daughter.  I am truly blessed with an amazing husband, who is an even more amazing Dad.  Even though he is already completely wrapped around her little finger, and at this point that little finger is pretty stinkin' little. 

3.  When she smiled the first time.  I don't care what they say about gas, I choose to believe she is smiling on purpose at me, and she even got her dad's dimples... Hooray!

4.  The grandparents.  All 4 of our parents are movers and shakers.  They rarely will sit still for 10 consecutive minutes... especially Papa Tim who is always so hopped up on caffeine I don't think you could physically hold him in place for 2 minutes.  But put a grand baby in their arms and they will sit in one place for hours.  And they don't really even want to be talked to.  They are completely content just sitting and staring at her.

5.  When Grammie Lou met her.  Grammie did really good.  I was expecting her to just burst into tears the moment she walked in the door.  If ya'll know my Grammie or have heard about her, you know she cries often and can pretty much set off anyone within a 10 foot radius.  Somehow I am more susceptible to this and if I'm within 2 miles of her and she so much as tears up I will start bawling.  But she held Blythe and talked to her and did just fine until she went to hand her back to me and leave.  Well, she couldn't do it.  Started crying and had to stay another 10 minutes before she could actually let go of the baby.  During that 10 minutes, we were looking at pictures and she looks at me and Caleb and says, "Do you two know..." and then got all choked up and couldn't finish.  She finally just goes "Well you guys know," and left the room.  Still holding Blythe, mind you.  I still don't know what exactly it is that I apparently already know.

It's been a great week.  Thank you to all our family and friends who are taking such amazing care of us!  I don't think I've eaten this good in my entire life.  We love you and are so blessed to have all of you!

Dear Uncle Sam

We have decided that Uncle Sam (Caleb's brother) will just be called "The Man" by Blythe.  The Man has voiced his less than thrilled opinion of our choice of the name Blythe and just her girliness in general.  So a couple nights ago our little anarchist in the making had this to say.  I realize she can't talk, but I think we all get her point...

She is saying "Dang the Man, Save the Empire!"

**This quote was edited for content as this is a family friendly page.  We all know the Chief does not approve of cursing even for comedic purposes or movie quoting accuracy.

I will admit Caleb helped her out a little with this one.  But can't you just picture her having just chunked her drumsticks into the crowd yelling "ROCK ON DALLAS, GOODNIGHT!!"

1/3 Leg

I'm alive!  Sorry, I haven't been good about answering my phone or really responding to anything in anyway.  They don't call it labor for nothing, but I would say I'm at about 88% and should be good as new sometime this week.  We are all doing smashingly and Blythe had actually gained weight at her 2 day check up instead of lost it, hooray for us!  Caleb is going to work half days this week, and we are easing back into life.  

 Remember how me and Blythe were having ice wars before she was born because she was killing my rib cage?  It turns out Ms. Blythe actually moved one of my ribs.  You know how when you feel down your rib cage your ribs are all nice and evenly spaced?  Well, on my left side, when you feel down there's a noticeable hole and then the next rib is sticking out about an 1/8 of an inch.  Apparently, it will go back in, but I wasn't kidding about this kid being all up in my business.  Having now met her I can see what the problem was.

  She was 21" long when she was born and I just measured her legs to be 8-1/2" long.  More than a third of her is leg.  You know how most babies sit with their legs bent kind of like frogs... not my baby.  She sits like this...

With her legs stretched as far as she can get them.  God love her, she's too cute to be mad at!  

Even Grandmothers Like Babies

Now Introducing, Blythe Louise Johnson

Born 12:17AM 

12/12/2007
7lbs. & 1/2oz
21 inches long

Courtney starting having consistent contractions about noon on Tuesday. We decided to go to the birthing center about 1:00PM and arriving about 1:30PM.

The contractions were about 3 minutes apart from 1:30PM until 9:30PM. Her water broke about 10:30PM and the active labor lasted just past midnight.

Courtney showed amazing endurance and strength through the entire event. Everyone is at home and resting as of this morning.

Business Caleb

First things first... no baby.  

I don't know how many of you have had the pleasure of meeting business Caleb.  The only person I can think of for sure would be Clay, as Caleb has self-appointed himself Chief Financial Advisor of the Rozell family.  I'm not sure they are aware of that, but he has.

Business Caleb looks just like the Caleb we all know and love, but do not be fooled.  Business Caleb uses a completely different tone of voice and even different hand gestures than normal Caleb.  He's kind of pompous and condescending and rants about interest rates and marketing campaigns.  I just got back from dinner with Business Caleb.  We started discussing college funds for young Blythe, even though she appears to never be coming out of my belly, and all of the sudden I found myself stuck at the table with Business Caleb.  Even his humor takes this sad dive into office humor.  I had to tell him 3 times that he was not funny and to get back to me when my Caleb returned.  The discussion ended in the car on the way home when I threatened to pull out every hair of his beard one by one if he said time value of money to me one more time.  

He is now panting to get on the computer so he can make an excel sheet forecasting how much money we would have at different interest rates in 18 years, so I must wrap this up.  I leave you with this.... if ever you are out with what appears to be normal, humorous, intelligent, kind-hearted Caleb, and he says anything about interest rates or the time value of money RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.  

My First Day

  Today was my first day of being a stay at home mom.  This, of course, is infinitely easier right now as my kid is still packed nicely away in my belly... so I'm basically a stay at home pregnant girl.  

  Mostly today I sat at our desk and worked on getting the new computer set up.  So it was a nice easing into my new job, as that's pretty much what I did at my old job.  Only now instead of talking to Janet, I talk to Sasquatch.  Janet was confined to her desk so couldn't escape me.  Squatch left the room after about 30 minutes.  

  So after a rough weekend of crying if Caleb looked at me sideways, and that's not in anyway an exaggeration... there was at least 3 instances of that being all it took to set me off... I actually cried at Elf, if that is any indication of the hormone levels I got going on right now.   It was a highly successful first day of being home all day long.

An Email from The Chief

1. The additional application of another 4 squares is authorized until
the job is complete. Never mind that future generations will have to
use pine cones.
2. Stop putting ice on my granddaughter. You have permission to suffer
to whatever extent necessary, or to torture my son-in-law as much as
necessary to fulfill this.
3. You've never heard me say "damn". Stop it.
4. Caleb could use toilet paper to keep his sockless toes from sticking
together, but only 4 squares per foot.
5. Turn up the friggin' thermostat! (I still didn't say "damn")
6. I have a clock I can see from my shower. This eternal life
principle was bestowed upon me by the same people that taught me how to
get squeaky clean with 4 squares of toilet paper.
7. You talk too much about toilet paper.
Love,
Your Maligned Dad

For the Corbin Family

So this will probably be too much information, but provide a lovely little insight into my family...
In my family, we have, on more than one occasion, discussed how many squares of toilet paper are needed when going to the bathroom. This comes up because when we were growing up my dear sweet dad tried to teach us to only use 4 squares. 4 SQUARES. I love the earth as much as the next person, but seriously kids, I think we can all see the problem with using only 4 squares of toilet paper. So we just recently brought this conversation back up, don't ask me how or why, it just happens, and we learned that Grammie, the matriarch of the family, is where this little guideline must have come from, because not only does she and my father adhere to these rules, but my Uncle Travis does as well!! So more power to my paper saving loved ones, but I won't be jumping on this bandwagon anytime soon.
Here's what made me think of it today. I have a stuffed up nose, and this morning asked Caleb to hand me some toilet paper so I could blow my nose. Mr. Johnson handed me one square of toilet paper. When I gave him the look and asked for more, he accused me of hating the earth. So I made do with what he gave me and it did not go well. So he handed me two more squares, which again were quickly used up and disposed of. At which time he handed me one more square... making it 4 total. 4 SQUARES. Aaaaah, the irony. The ridiculousness that is the Corbin gene pool is slowly seeping into his blood stream... VICTORY IS MINE!!

Prego Pictures

So this is a little late in coming, but last month we took some pregnancy pictures with the lovely Emily Thurmond. That is your second mention in this blog Mrs. Thurmond, so you should feel immensely cool. Anyhoo, you may see them by going to http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/store.aspx?p=42938 and clicking on the Caleb and Courtney link on this page.
We had a ton of fun taking the pictures, and Emily did a fantastic job. So for all your photography needs may I highly recommend Emily Thurmond Photography!

It's a Classic Man Shoe

So Caleb has been wanting a pair of top siders for awhile, and I have not been able to understand why. We do not have a yacht, neither of us sail, or wear whites to Saturday afternoon tennis... so why would he need a pair of top siders? Well, he got some....

And was very excited to get to wear them without socks. He said he was gonna walk into a meeting at work and put his leg up on a chair like this...

This picture is a re-enactment, last night when he demonstrated he attempted to put his foot up on the island. This was a bit ambitious which is how this happened...

See the large crack where the corner of the island almost broke off? Yeah... cool.

So I still don't know why we needed top siders. His only explanation is that "It's a classic man shoe." All it's gotten me is a stinky, no-socks boy running around my house and a broken island.

Baby Response Drills

The events of this morning....
Caleb refuses to turn on the heat at night, which means by about 5 am it's pretty frickin' frigid in our house. I, unfortunately, have to get up first and hi tail it to the shower where I have taken to standing for much longer than need be in order to avoid having to get out of the delightful warm water and step into the 55 degree bedroom. Today I was standing there as usual, and remembered that I have been cutting it pretty close getting to work on time, and wondered to myself "Self, I wonder what time it is." Since Caleb is usually still in bed at this time, sometimes awake, sometimes asleep, I said a very tentative... "Hey, Caleb?" Just testing the waters. There was no immediate response, but then all of a sudden the bathroom doors were thrown open with reckless abandon and Caleb appeared looking as if I had just yelled "I'M HAVING THE BABY IN THE SHOWER!!!" I felt bad because he was obviously worried something was wrong, so I sheepishly said "I just wanted to know what time it was." He rolled is eyes at me and headed back to bed where he yelled "It's 7!"
I thought this was very funny, and you might think that is mean, but let's go back a little further in time to about 5am. I am sleeping a lovely deep cozy sleep, possibly even dreaming. All of a sudden, I am rudely awaken but my beloved bed buddy going "Aren't you cold??" Now I ask you, if I were cold would I have been sleeping so peacefully? He then tries to discuss with me, at 5am mind you, how he wants part of the sheet I am under because his poor soul only has a quilt. But it's 5am and I'm 8 months pregnant, buddy, and you're getting NOTHING from me... I am going back to sleep! Which is what I did. He apparently got out of bed and put on sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and wool socks. This is why when he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom wearing the aforementioned warm clothes, I did not feel bad about pulling him from bed, but instead a wicked little grin spread across my face!

Proof Pregnancy makes you a little Ditzy

I usually cut through our lobby to get to our break room at work. This requires using my entry card b/c I have to exit one door and then swipe it to get back into the building on the other side. Today, I was going to make tea so I had my entry card in one hand and my tea bag in the other. When I got to the other door I attempted to swipe what I thought was my entry card, but was in fact my tea bag. This would not really be a big deal, except I didn't just do it the once. I stood there for a solid minute, swiped my tea bag at least 10 times, and even walked back to the phone to call Janet to let me in because my card was broken. Luckily, I caught myself before making it that far. So hope you're enjoying the blood flow Blythe, I could use some to my brain every now and then if you can spare it!

To Clay Rozell, in response to his unjustified attack upon an injured man

I got your comment...and I know where you live.

And don't be bitter and surpised when Rev stops eating his green beans, brocolli, asparagus, peas, bok choy, collard greens, dark green leafy lettuce, kale, mesclun, mustard greens, and watercress.

You'll know where to point the finger.

IM conversations from Work

SmilyCourt = Courtney supercollider17 = Caleb
SmilyCourt: so i was looking back through my sent folder
SmilyCourt: cause i know i sent the list to you
SmilyCourt: but man, do i send you a lot of pointless and random emails
SmilyCourt: i apologize
supercollider17: I delete all of your emails
supercollider17: its ok
SmilyCourt: ha
supercollider17: i have too
supercollider17: weekly
supercollider17: cause you send so many
supercollider17: "pointless and random emails"
SmilyCourt: don't quote me and act like it's not an insult

Quotes of the Weekend

"Don't take me into your meat consideration."
-Benjamin Cooper

"I came out of there smelling like soy sauce and regret."
- Caleb with an assist by Mikey G

I Fear the Dog may be Smarter than Me

I was just duped by Sasquatch Puppykins during lunch...
Here's a little background on Sasquatch for those of you who don't know her.

She's a 100lb. what we guess to be Newfoundland/some sort of Shepherd, black furry mutt. She believes she is an inside dog that only goes outside at her own choosing, which is oddly only when we are at home, and only if we leave the door open so that she can come back in whenever she pleases.

She stayed inside this morning, and I went home at lunch to let her out where it was my plan she would stay for the afternoon. So I went outside with her for a minute to throw the ball with her and show her how fun it was to be outside. I throw the ball a couple times and she brings it back. Then on the third time I throw the ball and she just kind of stares at me. This is not new, I don't know if she doesn't approve of how I throw the ball or where I throw it, but occasionally she ignores certain throws. So when this happens I try and point and re-enact the throw to make her go get it, but usually end up going to get it myself... which is what happened today. So I say the inevitable "Fine, I'll go get it." and walk past her to get the ball. As soon as I walked by her she yapped her jaws at me (we taught her not to bark so she just does the motion now) and I swear to you it sounded just like she goes "HA!" and then sprinted into the house. So I stood in the middle of the yard smiling and shaking my head for a minute, because I must confess she completely got me. Somehow she rigged it so that I was the only creature in the backyard fetching a ball.
So you may say, well why didn't I just make her go back outside??
Because the brat plays possum. She runs as far away from the door as possible then lays down and lets her body go completely limp. Then she lets you drag her all the way to the door, but is too proud to actually get dragged outside, so she'll stand up and walk the last 3 steps. Before I had a 15lb. bowling ball strapped to my waist I would have dragged her, but now I can't. So I left her happily laying on her bed with a smug "I win" look on her face.

Death by Endo

What started out as a quiet Saturday afternoon bike ride, quickly turned into an impending disaster. Riding while tethered to a 100 lb. highly motivated mutt may not be the epitome of bicycle safety.

As a car passed, I pulled Sasquatch closer to me shortening the retractable leash connecting us. After the car passed and she surveyed the open road ahead, she went from a gentle stride into a dead sprint, as if running from the devil himself. It was then and only then did I notice that what should have been a quickly extending leash, wasn't extending because sometime during the retraction it had become locked in place and had conveniently slipped under the left side of the handle bar.

In the next 7 seconds, realizing what was about to happen, the world went silent. Sasquatch unknowingly turned the front wheel of my speeding bicycle 90 degrees to the right. As you might imagine, this stopped the bike, sending me head first over the handlebars. Sadly, I was only a fraction of a second from finishing my torpedo barrel roll perfectly and landing only my shoulder. Instead I left part of both my hands on the pavement and then bruised my shoulder.

But, having the incredible tolerance for pain that I do, I propped my windless lungs off the ground, picked the bike up and bloodied my grips. No endo was going to stop my afternoon.

Funny Name, Serious Sandwich

Caleb and I met for lunch today at the always tasty Schlotzsky's. In our conversations over a turkey original I noted that young Caleb had missed a spot shaving, which made him look like he was attempting to grow a soul patch. I later commented on the aforementioned facial hair and since Caleb has a presentation this afternoon with the government of Malaysia he made the comment that maybe he should leave his electric razor at work. I replied back, "Well, you should probably leave one of your razors at work." Now, I realize he had basically just said the same thing, but in my defense I was thinking, it doesn't have to be his electric razor, but just some razor in general. However, being the smarta$$ that he is, he started to repeat his statement again, only this time in an obnoxiously sarcastic voice. The only problem is that when he got to the part about "razors at work" he instead said "wazors at work" loud and clear due to the obnoxious volume at which he was speaking. This, of course, negated whatever smart aleck remark he was attempting to make about me repeating his already stated point due to it being infinitely more hilarious than me just inadvertently repeating him.


Which brings me to my epiphany of the day. This type of verbal flub is one of my favorite things in life. There is nothing better than someone trying to mock another person only to end up being laughed at themselves. I am the worst at this, as I get so excited about my own genius wit that I rarely get my smarta$$ comments out correctly. They usually come out as some pile of incoherent gibberish leading whoever I was trying to mock (usually Caleb) to laugh at me instead, as it should be.


Needless to say, I laughed so hard at Caleb for his "wazors at work" comment that I ended up getting kicked in the ribs by Baby Blythe. So my apologies Baby B, but someone has to laugh at your Daddy and as his wife it is my God given right, honor, and privilege to be the one to do it!